Get your chainsaws ready! It’s almost Zombie season opener!*

Okay, so while I’m burploading megabytes more only-relevant-to-me personal content up onto Flickr today, I switch over to Facebook and notice that somebody is asking about the axe trend.  As in “an axe, at a bar, wtfmaynard?”

I cannot touch this one for two reasons:

1.  Bikesnobnyc has already done it far more deftly than I could ever hope to:

2.  I have not personally viewed anybody carrying an axe in public in a not-normally-appropriate way.  This is stated with a caveat that I live in Stillwater, which hosts the rather excellent Lumberjack Days, at which time it is entirely possible to see all manner of wood-splintering accessories being toted about.  Non-ironically.

Oh, he’s a lumberjack and he’s okay…

Of course, this is tautological in that, living in Stillwater, I am assuming that anybody carrying an axe intends to use it as an axe and not as a form of irony or as part of a trend.  Such are the many risks of living out in the boonies.  That and potentially being more than 5 miles from a Starbucks.

Regardless, during my reply, I inadvertently stumbled across a Really Great Idea.

My reasoning went thusly:

Hipsters ride fixies.  Hipsters are taking to carrying axes (apparently).  Therefore the thought of a fixie with an axe carrier is quite amusing, in a LATFH sense.

Taking this one step further, it would be funny to carry a broadsword with you on a cyclocross bike.  This is a variation on a sport I’ve intended to invent for a long time now: Running with Swords.  Cyclocross with swords would be even more epic.  Probably more efficient from a miles traveled per calorie expended standpoint, as well.

What comes next?  Next is probably a dirtbike… what’s appropriate for that?  A chainsaw, of course!

That’s when it hit me.  What do you use a chainsaw for?  SLAYING THE UNDEAD!!!


Where do you find the undead?  AT ZOMBIE PUB CRAWLS!!!

That’s only 6 days away… not much time to get your anti-undead weaponry ready.  We’re gonna need to organize.  We’re going to need a lot of supplies.  Get your butt down to S-Mart and stock up on chainsaws and ammunition,  Make sure the Oldsmobile is tuned up and running well.  We’re gonna tell those zombies to “Come get some” because that’s what Ash would do. *

* This post is intended as humor.  Don’t go out and do anything to, at, or threateningly close to the no doubt very nice, uh, people at the Zombie Pub Crawl.  I do think it would be hilarious if somebody dressed up as Ash and went on the crawl with the zombies.  Wait, that looks suspiciously like Bruce Cambell in the ZPC poster…  Maybe they want Ash to join them so they can devour his flesh…

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, watch these movies: